Supporting Children's Academic Growth Through 504 Accommodation Plans and Individualized Education Program

Supporting Children's Academic Growth Through 504 Accommodation Plans and Individualized Education Program

The start of another school year can be a source of excitement and anxiety for children and parents alike.  This can be especially true for parents of children with attention, learning, and/or social difficulties.  The new school year can reflect a fresh start and a new opportunity for children to make friends and educational gains.  Having systematic plans can be incredibly helpful and crucial for the success of many children with special needs to be successful in their academic environments.  I believe that in most instances where a child has documented attention or learning difficulties that a formal plan with the school is incredibly helpful.

The two types of written plans include an Individualized Education Program (IEP) or a 504 Plan.  These are plans that can be created with your child's school.  Both are federally mandated but fall under two separate laws. They each provide for the student to receive a free and appropriate education within the least restrictive environment. However, these two plans serve different purposes, according to the needs of the child.

What is an IEP and Who Qualifies?
IDEA (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) provides federal funds to state and local agencies to guarantee special education and related services to children with disabilities. To be eligible for an IEP under this law, your child must be between the ages of 3 and 21 and have an identified disability that impedes learning to the point that the child needs specialized instruction in order to close the gap between the child's own academic achievement and that of his/her age peers.  Whether your child has a qualifying disability is determined at an IEP meeting, using the results of standardized assessments as well as other informal and formal data collection. It requires unanimous agreement from the members of a multidisciplinary team that includes one or more of the following: special educator, psychologist, parent, related service provider, and general education teacher. The team must agree that your child's disability falls under one of the 13 federally mandated categories and that it interferes with the child's education and performance. [1]

What is a 504 Plan and Who Qualifies?
As part of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, Congress passed Section 504. This civil rights law protects people with disabilities by eliminating barriers and allowing full participation in areas of life such as education and the workplace. Section 504 is intended to prohibit disability discrimination by recipients of federal financial assistance and by public entities.  A 504 Plan is for students who have a disability, have a record of a disability, or are treated as having a disability but do not qualify for special education services under IDEA. [2]
 
An IEP typically has specific goals created that are monitored in various areas to support children in their areas of disability.  These goals often reflect specific education needs in areas such as reading, writing, or math.  For children with attention difficulties it is also common to have specific goals set regarding task completion or following directions.  A 504 Plan doesn't have these detailed goals, but instead lists several accommodations that should support the child's success.  Typical accommodations for children with attention difficulties generally include things like extended time for tests and assignments, preferential seating close to the teacher by a positive peer, note taking support, extra communication between school and home, behavioral reward programs, etc.  

If your child has not had their attention or learning difficulties officially documented information is provided on when an assessment may be helpful in our September Newsletter from last year For this article please click here.  Assessments are often completed by the school district or by private psychologists.  School psychologists diagnose various learning disabilities, while speech pathologists and occupational therapists assess children in related areas that may be affecting children's ability to access their academic curriculum.  In the specific area of documenting an attention difficulty, school psychologists are not allowed to diagnose in this area and children instead qualify typically under the criteria of Other Health Impaired for a 504 plan from a letter or report from a qualified professional such as a psychologist, pediatrician, or psychiatrist.

IEPs and 504 Plans are formal documents and agreements that are established with the public school.  Plans offer a structure so parents, teachers, and administrators all know what is going to be provided and expected to best help children to access their academic surroundings.  Private schools do not have to honor these plans, but I have found that the large majority or private schools are willing to offer these same plans in an informal way since we know that providing children these extra supports and accommodations greatly increase their success.  Hopefully parents can feel better knowing that there are many ways to help children be successful in their academic environments with the right supports in place.

[1-2] Bennett, A., & Frank, L. (2009). Special Education Process: IEP vs. 504 Plan. 2e Newsletter, Jan/Feb Newsletter. http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10671.aspx

Relaxation Strategies for a More Happy, Calm Life

Relaxation Strategies for a More Happy, Calm Life

At Quest Camp, we teach all of our campers several strategies to help them calm down when they are sad, mad, or worried. Our campers are taught how to take deep breaths, use progressive relaxation, and engage in imagery among various other relaxation and coping strategies. We have our campers practice these three strategies every single week of camp since these three techniques are well known, common strategies that have been found to significantly help people to calm down and feel better in times of stress. I believe that these three strategies are so helpful to both children and adults that it is rare for me not to discuss these same tools for relaxation with almost every client that comes into my private practice office. Building relaxation into the lives of all people is crucial since research shows that people who generally devote 20 minutes per day towards relaxation are found to have less anxiety and depression than others. Some people tell me that they don't have the time to engage in relaxation. I typically respond to this sentiment that the benefits are so high for relaxation that I don't think people can afford not to make the time since this kind of self care decreases difficulties and improves things like productivity. I view these tools for relaxation as primary for all people and believe that this type of skill building should occur for all children from an early age. Just as children are taught to read and write, they should be taught how to label their feelings and use coping skills.

A brief description of deep breathing, progressive relaxation, and imagery is provided below. These strategies are great when used in times of calm, but are also to be utilized in times of stress such as when feeling anxious, depressed, or angry. I often have people combine these together as well since that can add to feeling more relaxed. For example: a person might continue to focus on taking nice slow deep breaths while engaging in progressive relaxation or imagery. I often recommend that people take deep breaths, use progressive relaxation, and imagery first thing in the morning, while getting into bed for the night, and throughout the day when they are feeling stressed. Imagery can be particularly helpful at night since some of the same brain waves associated with daydreaming are the same brain waves that are found to be the precursors to sleep.

Deep Breaths:
Deep breaths are good for children and adults since these breaths reset our system since when we are upset or stressed we naturally don't breathe as deeply as we do normally when not under stress. By taking breaths that are much deeper than normal we can send messages to our body to calm down and restabilize.

1. Breathe air in through the nose and into the diaphragm, with air exiting through the mouth. If done correctly the stomach should rise for each breath (instead of the chest). I actually have children put their hands on their stomachs while they are learning to take deep breaths since their hand should rise if they are taking deep breaths correctly.
2. Each breath takes about 10 seconds. Breathing in for a slow 4 count (1, 1000, 2, 1000, 3, 1000, 4), holding for 1 second then out for a slow 5 count.

Progressive Relaxation:
Progressive Relaxation is a systematic process with the body that involves tightening various muscle groups one at a time and focusing on releasing the tension in that part of the body.
1. Tighten a muscle for 3 seconds, and then say, "relax," focusing all thoughts on having the tension leave that part of the body.
2. First tighten fists for this 3-second process listed in step 1, then forearms, then biceps. It is then helpful to focus all thoughts on tension draining out from this whole section of the body.
3. This process is then repeated for different sections of the body.               -First bringing shoulders up toward ears, then tightening muscles in      the forehead, then squeezing the eyes together, clenching teeth,  tightening chest muscles, then abdominal muscles. Next, focus all  thoughts on tension draining out from this section of the body.                 -Proceed to tightening quadriceps, then calves, arches, down to the  toes. Again, mentally focusing on all the tension draining out through  the whole body.

Imagery:
Imagery is basically engaging in a thought process to think about your "happy place." I sometimes think of this as a 2-minute vacation, where someone can transport himself or herself anyplace. Often people pick things like a beautiful place to visit such as the beach, mountains, vacation spot, or in an old memory. Children will also often pick made up places in their imagination or places in video games. The key is to pick someplace that is a happy place where it is impossible to think of this place without feeling happy or smiling. The imagery exercise below also focuses on engaging your senses since this can make the image more real and a more powerful tool for relaxation.
1. Imagine that you are in a place that makes you feel happy, safe, and/or relaxed.
2. Take in all that you can see as you enjoy being in your favorite place.
3. Take in all that you can hear as you enjoy being in your favorite place.
4. Take in all that you can taste as you enjoy being in your favorite place.
5. Take in all that you can smell as you enjoy being in your favorite place.
6. Take in all that you can touch as you enjoy being in your favorite place.
7. Take in all that you can feel as you enjoy being in your favorite place.
8. Feel at peace knowing that you can always return to your favorite place when you need to.

Imagery can also be a powerful tool for building self-confidence. I will often use imagery with children and adults who are struggling with things like test anxiety. In this case instead of thinking of a relaxing memory, we will work to find a moment of success where the person felt like they could accomplish anything such as success in a sporting event, getting an "A" on a test, etc. The person will then take a few deep breaths and call up this image for a short time period when it is time to start the test that they are anxious about.

My hope is that you and your children will find these strategies helpful. The exciting thing to me is that I typically find that these techniques often work better for people the more often they practice them and that the these techniques should continue to work for children as they grow to be adults. In addition, children and adults are often able to find which of these tools work better in different types of stressful situations. The analogy I often give is of how in a toolbox both a hammer and a screwdriver are incredibly helpful, but they both have different uses and benefits. Relaxation is viewed as so important that there are many great resources for people interested in learning more. Two of my favorite books with information regarding relaxation and stress management are the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook and the Mind over Mood Workbook. There are also good relaxation CDs available that guide people through progressive relaxation and imagery. I hope that as you and your family try out these strategies you will see their usefulness.

Setting Children Up for Success in Game Play with Others

Setting Children Up for Success in Game Play with Others

The topic of setting children up for success in game play with others is a topic I am very passionate about.  I believe that play can be a transformative experience for children.  I know that in my life being a member of a team since I played soccer from a young age through college greatly formed who I am today and how I interact with others in positive ways.  Finding ways for children to play, and more specifically, play with a purpose where there are opportunities to have good interactions with others can be important for later life success.

There is a wealth of research supporting the benefits of exercise and how social and emotional intelligence are more predictive of later success for children than IQ or academic achievement.  (Please refer to our website for complete articles from previous newsletters if you would like more information regarding either of these areas.)  The challenge, though, often becomes how to support children with some special needs to have successful play or team experiences with others.  It is not uncommon for some children to struggle with sportsmanship, regulating their emotions when things don't go their way, controlling impulses, and understanding social cues, which can greatly affect opportunities to play with others.  Fortunately, there are many ways to assist children with some struggles related to playing successfully with others.

Sports teams can provide a great opportunity for children to build friendships and gather important life skills.  Some children can flourish in team sports such as soccer, baseball, basketball, etc., while some other children may benefit most from more individualized sports, but where they are still a member of a team such as swimming, cross country, rock climbing, martial arts, etc.  It can be helpful to think about your individual child and his or her strengths when picking what type of activity might be best.  Often finding a coach that you can speak to in order to determine if this is a coach that will support your child's development in positive ways can be helpful.  I find that this is often more important than what type of sport is picked.  There are some great coaches out there who will provide extra guidance and support to help children be successful socially in sports.  Some coaches will also give you information regarding how your child is doing reaching a specific goal such as being positive with others, showing good sportsmanship, and controlling impulses so that a parent can provide rewards at home for these type of prosocial behaviors.

Parents play a vital role in assisting children with building their social competencies.  Several strategies that can be helpful include:
1. talking to your child about the importance of social skills
2. setting specific and realistic social goals
3. set up supervised, time-limited play dates for your child
4. review social goals prior to outings
5. choose simple and enticing play activities, involve teachers and other professionals in teaching your child social skills
6. prompt your child to think about the feelings and reactions of others.[1]
These strategies for building social competencies are often helpful for children to navigate team settings successfully.

Playing broad games at home can also be a great way to help children build needed skills to be successful in their interactions with others.  Many families avoid game play because it can be so stressful when children struggle with things such as controlling impulses, tolerating frustration, showing good sportsmanship, or following the rules of games.  For many families this type of skill development at home will help children build skills that may be needed in order to be successful outside of the home in team settings.  There are many strategies that can help children to be successful in game playing situations.  Some tips include:
1.  Play games where everybody wins
2.  Give bonuses for practicing coping/life skills (taking deep breaths, saying "Unlucky. Better luck next time." etc.)
3.  Reward for process versus outcome such as giving bonuses for playing nicely with others instead of focusing on achievements in the game or who won.
4.  Change the rules to games when needed.
5.  Play games that focus on teamwork.
6.  Not even keeping score can be helpful (sometimes switching teams in the middle of a game or multiple team switches also make it difficult for children to track the scores in games).

One of my favorite strategies is to alter the rules of many common games to assist children in practicing skills.  Some examples include:
1.  For games like Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Uno, and Sorry children can earn bonus turns for saying "unlucky" or taking a deep breath when they pull a bad card or have an unfortunate role of the dice.  Parents can also give bonuses such as extra roles, getting to move a couple spaces forward on the game board, or rewards after the game for a child waiting his or her turn, only touching his or her own game piece on the board, etc.
2.  For games like Operation children will be able to let the person's nose light up 3 to 5 times without penalty if the child takes a deep breath before starting his or her turn.
3.  Play games that focus on teamwork, increasing family communication, or joint storytelling such as the Ungame or story telling dice games.

These types of games can create fun times to connect as a family, but also to play with the purpose of building skills in a safe and engaging way.  While it can take effort for parents to discuss the importance of prosocial game play and positive interactions with others, allow children opportunities to build skills at home, and set out to find coaches, teachers, and other professionals to assist children these things can be crucial in setting children up for future success.

[1] Cohen, C. Raise your child's social IQ. Attention, April 2010.

Using Positive Behavior Support in the Home for Positive Change

Using Positive Behavior Support in the Home for Positive Change

Positive Behavior Support (PBS) is an area that has received a lot of attention in recent years.  This type of program has become popular for many reasons including the strong research support that documents its efficacy in supporting positive change in children both in school, home, and other environments. These programs can be helpful as well since they can be utilized with a particular child, but also with a whole program such as for an entire school or district.
 
Positive Behavior Support has been defined as:
an empirically validated, function-based approach to eliminate challenging behaviors and replace them with prosocial skills.  Use of PBS decreases the need for more intrusive or aversive interventions (i.e., punishment or suspension) and can lead to both systemic as well as individualized change.
PBS can target an individual student or an entire school, as it does not focus exclusively on the student, but also includes changing environmental variables such as the physical setting, task demands, curriculum, instructional pace and individualized reinforcement.  Thus it is successful with a wide range of students, in a wide range of contexts, with a wide range of behaviors.

PBS is based on behavioral theory; problem behavior continues to occur because it is consistently followed by the child getting something positive or escaping something negative. By focusing on the contexts and outcomes of the behavior, it is possible to determine the functions of the behavior, make the problem behavior less effective and efficient, and make the desired behavior more functional.  This often involves changing systems, altering environments and teaching new skills, as well as focusing on the problem behavior. [1]
 
Laura Riffel presented a list of questions and examples of how these same PBS theories and strategies can be used in the home.  She notes that PBS is:
1. Deciding what behavior you want to change
2. Deciding how you want that behavior to change
3. Using behavior science to change that behavior
a. Develop a theory about why you think the behavior is occurring
b. Test your theory
4. Using supports that have been tested and proven to work
a. Teach new skills to get the same results
b. Change environments and daily routines
c. Reward positive behaviors
Positive behavior support does not mean changing the child; rather, it means creating a new environment that supports the positive behavior you want to achieve. It means creating a plan that determines who will help and what you will do differently. [2]    
 
Next, I will provide an example to illustrate how a person can use these PBS strategies within a family context.  One difficult time for families can be car rides with their children.  A parent might decide that he or she wants car rides to change due to negative acting behaviors such as children arguing in the car, being too loud, not asking appropriately for things such as changing the radio station, etc.  A parent might decide that instead he or she wants the children to get along in the car (or at a minimum keep to themselves), use good manners when asking for something, use inside voices, etc.  This parent may guess that this is happening in the car for several reasons such as the children don't know what is expected in the car, they are bored, yelling or misbehaving has worked in the past (I yell and the radio station changes or I get the front seat), etc.  This parent can then provide skill teaching such as role playing to show how he or she expects the child to act in the car.  This often can be fun for the parent to act out both appropriate (sitting quietly, making requests appropriately) and inappropriate (demonstrating yelling, banging on the seat, being wild) ways to act in the car.  If boredom is thought to be a potential trigger the parent can then also structure car rides to address this with activities that he or she deems as acceptable, such as allowing children to listen to Ipods, having travel games in the car, and other possibilities based on individual child interest.  One parent I know had a child who would often misbehave in the car when he was thirsty so she found that when she made a point to always have water available in the car this negative behavior was greatly decreased by good planning and altering the environment to better meet her child's unique needs.

The next step involves repetition and consistency as the parent works to reinforce through praise and rewards every positive behavior witnessed and not reward negative behaviors.  While this is definitely a process to shape behavior the more consistent a parent is for acknowledging and rewarding behaviors again and again, while also not reinforcing negatives such as changing the radio station despite a child asking in an unacceptable way, significant progress will be made.  Evaluating this type of plan can also be critical for its success to test out theories and make improvements.  While these types of PBS interventions can be challenging for parents to implement (especially at first) these systematic options can greatly reduce stress for parents as they help children to use more prosocial skills.



[1] Cohen. A. 2001. Positive Behavior Support: Information for Educators. National Association of School Psychologists-4340 East West Highway, #402, Bethesda, MD 20814. Found at: www.nasponline.org/resources/factsheets/pbs_fs.aspx
[2] Riffel, L. Turnbull, A. Getting Behavior in Shape at Home.  Found at  www.pbis.org/spanish/files/behaviorshape.doc

The Amazing Power of Camp

The Amazing Power of Camp: How Camp Experiences Offer Unique and Innovative Programming for Children

I decided to write about how effective camp can be as a positive intervention for children this month for the newsletter due to being inspired by my recent attendance of the Spring Leadership Conference put on by the American Camp Association.  This year I attended several presentations discussing the theory and research regarding camps rightful place as a positive intervention for children including how camps have the distinctive ability to teach skills in a powerfully different way than various school and community programs.  While this topic is near and dear to my heart given my position as the director of a therapeutic camp, I wanted to share with our readers some of the things that make camp experiences a unique and wonderful way to powerfully influence the lives of children.
 
At this conference, author and trainer, Michael Brandwein presented information regarding the unique power of camp.  He makes several points including:
1.Camp leads the way in using the best methods to help children learn and grow by using experiential learning activities since children learn more from hands-on discovery, noting how camps have focused on this type of learning for 150 years.
2. Camp communities remove the typical pressures from school and support children in a positive atmosphere that cherishes effort and persistence.  Camp provides recognition when children try their best even when they don't have success right away, creating a less pressured environment where children can learn what positive things to say and do when they make mistakes.
3. Camp has distinctive value in preparing children for future success by creating opportunities for children to build new relationships and practice in cooperation and compromise.
4. Camp offers an unequaled variety of opportunities to develop well-rounded children by providing a vast array of different activities through the day.
5. Camp combats youth isolation by offering positive and accepting communities that can be an oasis of personal safety where demeaning comments and disrespectful behavior are not tolerated and children are taught responsible and positive ways to resolve conflicts.[1]    
 
While I agree with all of Michael Brandwein's points, the focus on experiential learning is paramount to me and I see experiential learning as a key tenant of all the 5 points he raises.  I first became excited about experiential learning theory and its use as a treatment intervention in graduate school.  In my work with youth offenders I saw this type of intervention as a powerful way to positively impact youth, which then led to this becoming a main focus of my own research and therapeutic interventions.  In a nutshell, experiential learning programs focus on "learning through doing...a process through which individuals construct knowledge, acquire skills, and enhance values from direct experience".[2]   Active learning strategies are potentially powerful, as some research suggests that people only retain 25% of what they see and hear, while retaining 80% of what they experience and practice.[3]   Researchers have provided evidence that experiential activities that build trust, cooperation, and communication skills can increase self-esteem, alter locus of control, reduce asocial behavior and improve problem-solving abilities.[4]  I have found in my work with children with attention and learning difficulties that these hands-on learning opportunities can be even more important since these types of approaches can be more successfully accessed by children who might struggle academically.

At the conference I also had the opportunity to hear, Scott Brody, Vice President of the American Camp Association, speak about "How what we teach at camp has never been more relevant."  This talk was exciting since Scott Brody presented compelling research further detailing the unique role that camps can play in teaching the necessary skills children need in the future.  He cited information created by the Partnership for 21st Century Skills (P21), the nation's leading organization promoting 21st century learning opportunities for all students, representing a broad coalition of education, business, nonprofit, and foundation partners who developed a list of needed skills for the 21st Century Skills.  P21's goal is to fuse the 3Rs (reading, writing, and arithmetic) with the 4Cs (applied skills in critical thinking and problem solving, communication, collaboration and creativity) since this group has determined that these are the most critical skills to help children to be successful in the 21st century.[5]  
 
Scott Brody also presented findings from a large study conducted by the American Camp Association with over 7600 campers (aged 10-18) from just over 80 ACA-Accredited camps to determine the degree to which developmental supports and opportunities were reported/received by those campers.  Parents, camp staff, and children reported significant growth in: Self-esteem, Peer relationships, Independence, Adventure and exploration, Leadership, Environmental awareness, Friendship skills, Values, Decision-Making, Social comfort, and Spirituality.  In addition, he noted how these results demonstrated that: "Camps, more than schools and most after-school and community-based experiences, provide positive developmental environments for youth, especially in providing supportive relationships with adults and peers, and in skill building."[6]

Furthermore, Scott Brody presented an analysis of 213 studies involving more than 270,000 students from kindergarten through high school, which found that programs that enhance social and emotional development accelerate school achievement as much as interventions targeted at academic subjects.[7] Scott Brody postulates that given the research regarding the positive benefits at camp, camp is more relevant than ever before in teaching children the skills of the future and can lead the way in providing growth opportunities for children helping them to develop the needed skills for the 21st century.  He noted that camps can help children develop leadership, healthy physical activities, and academic achievement by "preparing children for learning; engaging them experientially, and encouraging them to think critically."[8]


Being trained as a true scientist-practitioner in a social science field I can tell you that it is always exciting when the positive gains you are witnessing in children's growth is then also validated through the research.  I truly believe that it is an amazing time to be a camp director since I feel that I have access to such an incredible vehicle to positively impact the lives of children with special needs in our community and help them to develop the skills they need to be successful at camp, school, home, and in their futures.


[1] From Training Terrific Staff Volume Two (Brandwein, 2008) Chapter 18  Copywrite 2005, '08 by Michael Brandwein/All Rights Reserved/847-940-9820/mail@michaelbrandwein.com facebook.com/michaelbrandweinspeaker
[2] Association of Experiential Education, 1995; as cited in Luckner, J.L., & Nadler, R.S. (1997). Processing the experience: Strategies to enhance and generalize learning (2nd ed.). United States: Kendall/Hunt Publishing., p. 3.
[3]Brady, 1989; as cited in Luckner, J.L., & Nadler, R.S. (1997). Processing the experience: Strategies to enhance and generalize learning (2nd ed.). United States: Kendall/Hunt Publishing.
[4]Colan, 1986; Ewert, 1989; Luckner, 1989; Rawson & McIntosh, 1991; Rudolph, 1991; Smith et al., 1992; Stich & Senior, 1984; Wichmann, 1991; as cited in Luckner, J.L., & Nadler, R.S. (1997). Processing the experience: Strategies to enhance and generalize learning (2nd ed.). United States: Kendall/Hunt Publishing.
[5]presentation at the Spring Leadership Conference on April 19, 2012 by Scott Brody titled "How what we teach at camp has never been more relevant." Presentation is available at www.kenwood-evergreen.com.
 [6]Inspirations:Developmental Supports and Opportunities of Youths' Experiences at Camp, 2006, American Camp Association, www.ACAcamps.org/research as cited in a presentation at the Spring Leadership Conference on April 19, 2012 by Scott Brody titled "How what we teach at camp has never been more relevant." Presentation is available at www.kenwood-evergreen.com.
[7] http://synapse.princeton.edu/brained/child-self-control/exercise_academics_meta_Singh.pdf as cited in a presentation at the Spring Leadership Conference on April 19, 2012 by Scott Brody titled "How what we teach at camp has never been more relevant." Presentation is available at www.kenwood-evergreen.com.
[8]Presentation at the Spring Leadership Conference on April 19, 2012 by Scott Brody titled "How what we teach at camp has never been more relevant." Presentation is available at www.kenwood-evergreen.com.
The Amazing Power of Camp: How Camp Experiences

Parents are People Too: Ways to Refuel and Recharge

Parents are People Too: Ways to Refuel and Recharge 

While the title to this article may sound silly, I decided on this title specifically since often there are so many pressures and demands on parents that we seem to forget that parents really are people too with their own feelings, wants, and needs.  It is very common for our lives to be so busy, stressful, and over-scheduled that we forget or struggle to justify making time for ourselves.  Unfortunately this type of selflessness often backfires and makes parenting even more challenging in the long run.  It is crucial for parents to carve out time for themselves independent of their children, both for themselves as individuals and in their relationships with others to maintain a healthy balance, which ultimately supports the challenges of parenting.

Many of you may have witnessed how on an airplane the safety instructions prior to takeoff detail how in the case of an emergency adults are to place their own oxygen masks on first prior to helping any children or other adults in need of assistance.  Similarly, police officers, firefighters, and lifeguards are instructed to first assess that a situation is safe for themselves prior to entering into a rescue situation.  The reasoning behind these behaviors is that if we are not taking care of ourselves it is impossible for us to help others.  This idea holds true for parenting as well.  While this is true for all parents, I believe this is especially true for families with children with special needs.

Sometimes obstacles for parents to create time to refuel and recharge themselves emotionally is the idea that they cannot afford the time.  Unfortunately, parents can't afford not to take the time since it is almost impossible to engage in the positive parenting that is needed when we are under too much stress and are feeling overwhelmed.  Financial concerns impede some other parents from taking time for themselves, while others struggle with feelings of guilt.  Some parents need to find ways to challenge these feelings and learn that they actually cheat both themselves and their children if they do not model good self-care.

For couples, date nights can be critical to assist parents in maintaining their connection and building positive family interactions.  Some parents have a specific, weekly date night as a means to carve out special time for each other.  Recommendations to make for great date nights include setting parameters where the dates are just that--dates (not a time discuss problems, family schedules, or work stress).  I know of some couples who have traded off with other families, in which the parents take turns providing childcare when it wasn't possible to afford childcare.  In these cases, the couples would even schedule slightly later dates so that the children were already tucked in for the night so the other parent wouldn't have to provide much childcare.

For families with the financial means to hire a person for childcare, this can sometimes be especially challenging and stressful when trying to secure childcare for a child with special needs.  There are ways to seek out childcare providers with significantly more experience working with children with special needs, such as people who have worked as aides in the schools or for companies.  Friends or family members may have a good referral and now there are online childcare companies that link parents with babysitters.  Often these companies have completed background checks on potential sitters and provide additional information such as the person's level of experience and references.

Beyond date nights it can be really important to have individual time as well.  Research regarding decreasing the likelihood of experiencing anxiety or depression recommends a minimum of 20 minutes per day for self-care.  This time can include engaging in pleasurable activities, exercising, deep breathing, using imagery to daydream about being in a favorite place, doing progressive relaxation (systematically tightening various muscle groups), spending time with others in your support network, etc.  No matter what activities a person chooses for self-care the important thing is to make the time and honor it.  Parents are incredibly hard working and have one of the most important jobs around.  It is critical to acknowledge and respect this by creating the time to refuel and recharge.

Positive Change Through Praise, Play, and Rewards

Positive Change Through Praise, Play, and Rewards 

When discussing how to create positive behavior change in children one of the best places often to start is to examine the amount of positive interchanges occurring.  One area of psychological research that consistently produces similar findings is that when we look for happy kids, happy adults, happy couples, and happy employees what we find is that there are typically 5 positive interactions or examples for every 1 negative interaction or correction that occurs.  These numbers at times have been dropped to be a 3 to 1 ratio in workplace settings, but in general, when we have 5 positives to every 1 negative people typically report being happy in a relationship.

Given this research regarding the impact of having 5 positives to every 1 negative related specifically to parenting, it is no surprise that the best parenting books start with chapters on praise, play, and rewards/incentives.  It is common for parents to want to start by trying to solve current problems and address how to implement consequences.  However; in treatment or parent training it is typically better to start with praise, play, and rewards since then so many behavioral difficulties drop so significantly that consequences are needed so much less.  While it will always be important for families to have consistent ways in which they set healthy limits with children and enforce clear consequences, focusing on increasing positive interactions is definitely the place to start!

For parents looking for ways to bring positive change in this area I recommend several things:

1.  Take one week with the assignment to notice (possibly even documenting) all the things that your child is doing correctly.  We can get so caught up in the difficulties or behaviors that push our buttons it is easy to lose sight of all the positives and the many things that children are doing right.

2.  Take the following week to start praising your child for all the things that you are noticing.  This can be done through verbal praise such as, "Great job!  I really liked how you listened on the first time." or "Thanks for taking out the trash. I appreciate it."  Be aware and don't fall into the pitfall of combining a negative and a positive together such as, "Thanks for taking out the trash.  Too bad it took you so long."  Beyond verbal praise, high 5's and hugs can also communicate some of these positive sentiments.

3.  Take time to play or connect positively with your child everyday.  This could be through playing a game, watching a show together, reading together, talking to your child about his or her interests, etc.  Parents sometimes have to be mindful to pick activities that are likely to be positive versus negative.  For example:  for the scheduled play/connection time pick reading versus a board game if game time is often a time of contention in the household.

4.  Providing clear expectations with rewards for positive choices can also be a great way to improve the climate in a home and build in more positives.  List out behaviors in positive language for children and set children up for success in your reward plans.  Listing behaviors positively means stating an expectation as being "kind in words" versus saying "no disrespectful language."  Successful incentive plans often allow for children to do less initially to earn rewards while as time increases the desired expectations are raised for a child to reach the reward.

I cannot state strongly enough how important positive interactions with children are.  Working hard to achieve that 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio can be crucial in creating healthy family relationships and can work to bring about great behavior change in children.  While it can take real effort at first, especially if there have been a lot of negative interactions or challenging behaviors lately, these positive interactions will build healthy, happy children and families.