The month of November is a common month in which we take the time to think about the things we are most thankful for in our lives. With Thanksgiving fast approaching, it seemed to be a beneficial time to discuss the art of letting things go. In a recent article in Psychology Today Judith Sills, PH.D writes in reference to letting things go and moving forward so that we can focus more of our time on what we are most grateful and thankful for. Sills notes the importance of getting "unstuck" and how it involves reconsidering the past from a different point of view. This can be very difficult for us to do because it forces us to confront the three strongest emotional drives we as humans have: love, fear and rage. Having the capabilities to acknowledge the things that are difficult for us to let go of and to look at them from a different point of view can give us the opportunity to move forward. [1]
Sills presents six action steps to take to let things go.
1. Anchor Yourself in the Future
It can be difficult to let go of the past when we do not have a positive view of tomorrow. It is really important to have a vision for tomorrow. Having a positive activity or goal to look forward to will help pull you out of the quicksand of yesterday.
2. Discard
To actively push past the past it is important to discard things that are going to keep you in the past. Sometimes it can be difficult to discard things, in which case, you can put these memories in a box or suitcase and put them in the back of your closet until discarding them will be less difficult. But it is important to keep discarding so that we can keep moving toward the future.
3. Repair
Making amends can be an important part of letting go and moving forward. Stating your remorse involves three parts--an articulation of the harm you feel you did; a chance for the other person to express his or her point of view or past pain; and an authentic expression of remorse from the heart.
4. Transform Your Narrative
A powerful way to ease past pain is to rewrite key aspects of the story from a more balanced point of view. A healthy rewrite can make you feel less victimized, devastated and less lost. They do not change the facts of the narrative they just look at the facts from more empathetic, mature and less injured eyes that can help you let go.
5. Forgive
Transforming your narrative is one of the toughest steps toward forgiveness. It can feel powerfully rewarding to continue feeling angry when we are deeply wronged. Forgiving someone can even make us feel as though we are letting the bad guy get off easily. Forgiveness is a decision that says "You wronged me. I didn't deserve it. I've been angry long enough. I am laying down my anger because I don't want to carry it anymore."
6. Learn to Be Present
There is nothing more powerful than learning to be in the present. Having a sense of mindfulness, an acquired skill, has stress-reduction benefits that are well documented and can give us many positive emotional side effects. As you increase your mindfulness, you will be able to get past the past.
[1] Sills, J (2014). Psychology Today. Let It Go!
Sills presents six action steps to take to let things go.
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