The end of the year brings a good time to reflect on the past and to set goals for the future year to come. Last month's newsletter was a piece on how to let things go and move forward, which often can be a good message people can carry into the new year. In addition, I think the start of a new year can hold a new hope that this can be the year for amazing growth and change to occur. Being a person whose career is focused on being invited in to see the transformation and growth that can occur in people's lives I can truly say that amazing things are possible when people are motivated to change and they have some key ingredients for change in place. Below are some tips that I hope are helpful to you and your families as you may be setting out to make some resolutions or changes this year that will truly last the whole year to bring lasting change.
1. Celebrate Successes
--It is critical to celebrate the successes that you have had. This is a key step in moving forward and staying motivated in one's journey of self-change. It is often true that you will take two steps forward and one step back because change is hard and it is really important to see progress to keep moving forward. This is true for children and adults. For example: even in the worst moments such as a child's tantrum it is often possible to see improvements and provide genuine praise such as, "Johnny, even though you still have to work on using your words, I like how today you calmed down much faster. That tells me you are using a lot of your coping skills. Good job!"
One activity I like to give to adults or families is to have each person make a list of the 3 things they are most proud of themselves for accomplishing this year and then parents write a list for their children. Sometimes this can be challenging for the children I work with so if they have trouble coming up with a list I will have their parents give a list first and then they can say whether they agree with the things listed or not. Either way, I think it is helpful feedback for children to have their parents provide them a list of at least the top 3 things that they think their child has been successful at this past year. I like to have both parents or various loved ones give lists of their child's successes since often different people see a variety of accomplishments for a child.
2. Set Realistic Goals that are Clear and Measurable
--Setting realistic goals is a key ingredient to success. You want to set a goal that you can achieve. The fastest way to feel discouraged is to set an unrealistic goal and then to stop because you were never going to reach that goal. (For example: The quickest way to end up eating a gallon of double chocolate malted crunch ice cream right out of the container is to set a goal to lose 10 pounds in one week.) It is also important to set goals you can measure regularly such as give my child verbal praise at least 5 times a day since this is something that can be easily counted and isn't ambiguous.
3. Focus on the Process Versus the Outcome
--For example if I set an overall goal to be healthier by changing my diet and exercising more I want to celebrate my successes for having a good process (making it to the gym at least 3 days per week, eating vegetables 5 days per week, no drinking soda, only having fast food twice per week, etc.) since the outcomes related to this (lower cholesterol, weight loss, etc.) will happen in time. People usually have more success focusing on the process since these are things typically more in our immediate control.
4. Set Timelines for Change for Over Several Months
--To be successful it is critical to know that real change takes time. Research shows that often to make lasting change that becomes a habit often takes doing a certain behavior for a minimum of 2 months so make sure to make resolutions that are for at least a couple of months minimum. It is better to start small and have a longer plan since you will be more likely to maintain this change over time.
I hope this new year brings you health and happiness and that you choose joy. Good luck in your journey as you move forward, hopefully celebrating many successes and also continuing to set new goals to challenge yourself in the new year.
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