Happy Halloween!!! I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy, enjoying your fall season! Our school year fall rock climbing and video game making groups are zooming by!
This issue of our newsletter features an article regarding how to assist children to challenge their fears. At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life. We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.
Sincerely,
Jodie Knott, Ph.D.
Director and Licensed Psychologist
Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California
Challenging Children's Fears
This month with Halloween fast approaching it seemed like a great time to discuss how parents can help children to challenge their fears. I have a feeling that all the holiday clown commercials lately sparked this topic for me this month since even as an adult I can't help but feel uneasy when those scary creatures flash across my television screen. Seeing the movie Poltergeist as a child was enough to teach me that clowns are just not to be trusted. Moving on from my own personal childhood fear...It is very common for children to experience some fears in childhood. While having fears can be a form of anxiety, these fears are often not a large concern unless children are suffering from many fears or a lot of general anxiety, the fears are causing the child high levels of distress, or are negatively impacting the child. In these types of cases it can be most helpful to see a licensed professional since a therapist can further assess the level of anxiety a child may be experiencing and create a more comprehensive treatment program individualized for a specific child.
In other cases, where it is just one or two fears that are manageable there are many potential interventions parents can use that can be very helpful for children. Common childhood fears such as a fear of the dark or monsters under the bed can often be addressed at home.
Some tips that can often help children with their various fears:
1.Try to gather more information from your child about his or her fears. Often children will have a specific reason that they are afraid to sleep in their own room or are afraid of the dark such as that they are afraid of robbers, a certain type of monster, that a parent often leaves a door unlocked in the house that they always notice, etc. In many cases, when you know what is driving a specific fear you can target your conversations or interventions to allieviate it.
2. Help your children avoid things that increase their fears. I can't tell you how many of the children that come into my office can't pry themselves away from the things that scare them such as certain cartoons, movies, or books. I feel like I have to personally thank the Goosebumps book series for bringing children again and again into my office over the years. As the parent, it often becomes your job to decide to limit your child's exposure to certain types of scary entertainment (even if your child begs and pleads that deep down he or she can handle it).
3. Teach your children skills to manage their anxiety such as relaxation strategies (deep breathing, imagery, progressive relaxation) and help them create positive self-statements to say to themselves ("I am safe right now. I just need to calm down and relax. I can trust my parents to keep me safe.")
4. Some parents are also willing to use some interventions that can be a little unconventional, where as some other parents don't feel these are the best fit for their children. Some strategies that have been really helpful to get some children who are afraid at night to sleep in their own rooms include creating some sort of keepsake for protection at night to help children feel safe. I have worked with some children who really found relief by us creating some sort of dream catcher in the office to serve as a reminder that they are safe. I know several parents who have also either ordered some monster repellants online or made their own "monster spray". If parents choose to go this route, I tend to advise that they don't make a ritual out of something like a monster spray, but instead have it be something that wards off monsters permanently with one dose.
5. Provide big rewards and incentives for children who are able to use coping skills to challenge their fears. Children often respond well to bonuses for each night that they stay in their room for the whole night.
Some tips of what to say to children about their fears:
1. Normalize fears to let children know that pretty much all children and adults have fears. I consider having some fears or concerns as a sign that your child is conscientious and really cares about their own health and safety, which is a good thing.
2. Inform your children that you are available to discuss their fears with them. Children also often benefit from knowing that it can be a sign of strength, not weakness, to be able to discuss their feelings including their fears.
3. Don't minimize your child's fears or say that his or her fears are silly. Hearing from a parent that monsters don't exist and just shutting down a conversation typically won't end a child's fears.
4. Make it clear to your children that you as the parent have the important job to keep them safe and that you make decisions every day to make this happen such as by deciding on safe neighborhoods, wearing seat belts, making healthy eating choices, etc.
While all children are different, many of the strategies listed above can help children to find relief from their fears. Anxiety is a common experience for many children and using some of the above strategies or meeting with professionals can often help your children to move beyond their fears to find greater peace.
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