Setting Children Up for Success in Game Play with Others

Setting Children Up for Success in Game Play with Others

The topic of setting children up for success in game play with others is a topic I am very passionate about.  I believe that play can be a transformative experience for children.  I know that in my life being a member of a team since I played soccer from a young age through college greatly formed who I am today and how I interact with others in positive ways.  Finding ways for children to play, and more specifically, play with a purpose where there are opportunities to have good interactions with others can be important for later life success.

There is a wealth of research supporting the benefits of exercise and how social and emotional intelligence are more predictive of later success for children than IQ or academic achievement.  (Please refer to our website for complete articles from previous newsletters if you would like more information regarding either of these areas.)  The challenge, though, often becomes how to support children with some special needs to have successful play or team experiences with others.  It is not uncommon for some children to struggle with sportsmanship, regulating their emotions when things don't go their way, controlling impulses, and understanding social cues, which can greatly affect opportunities to play with others.  Fortunately, there are many ways to assist children with some struggles related to playing successfully with others.

Sports teams can provide a great opportunity for children to build friendships and gather important life skills.  Some children can flourish in team sports such as soccer, baseball, basketball, etc., while some other children may benefit most from more individualized sports, but where they are still a member of a team such as swimming, cross country, rock climbing, martial arts, etc.  It can be helpful to think about your individual child and his or her strengths when picking what type of activity might be best.  Often finding a coach that you can speak to in order to determine if this is a coach that will support your child's development in positive ways can be helpful.  I find that this is often more important than what type of sport is picked.  There are some great coaches out there who will provide extra guidance and support to help children be successful socially in sports.  Some coaches will also give you information regarding how your child is doing reaching a specific goal such as being positive with others, showing good sportsmanship, and controlling impulses so that a parent can provide rewards at home for these type of prosocial behaviors.

Parents play a vital role in assisting children with building their social competencies.  Several strategies that can be helpful include:
1. talking to your child about the importance of social skills
2. setting specific and realistic social goals
3. set up supervised, time-limited play dates for your child
4. review social goals prior to outings
5. choose simple and enticing play activities, involve teachers and other professionals in teaching your child social skills
6. prompt your child to think about the feelings and reactions of others.[1]
These strategies for building social competencies are often helpful for children to navigate team settings successfully.

Playing broad games at home can also be a great way to help children build needed skills to be successful in their interactions with others.  Many families avoid game play because it can be so stressful when children struggle with things such as controlling impulses, tolerating frustration, showing good sportsmanship, or following the rules of games.  For many families this type of skill development at home will help children build skills that may be needed in order to be successful outside of the home in team settings.  There are many strategies that can help children to be successful in game playing situations.  Some tips include:
1.  Play games where everybody wins
2.  Give bonuses for practicing coping/life skills (taking deep breaths, saying "Unlucky. Better luck next time." etc.)
3.  Reward for process versus outcome such as giving bonuses for playing nicely with others instead of focusing on achievements in the game or who won.
4.  Change the rules to games when needed.
5.  Play games that focus on teamwork.
6.  Not even keeping score can be helpful (sometimes switching teams in the middle of a game or multiple team switches also make it difficult for children to track the scores in games).

One of my favorite strategies is to alter the rules of many common games to assist children in practicing skills.  Some examples include:
1.  For games like Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Uno, and Sorry children can earn bonus turns for saying "unlucky" or taking a deep breath when they pull a bad card or have an unfortunate role of the dice.  Parents can also give bonuses such as extra roles, getting to move a couple spaces forward on the game board, or rewards after the game for a child waiting his or her turn, only touching his or her own game piece on the board, etc.
2.  For games like Operation children will be able to let the person's nose light up 3 to 5 times without penalty if the child takes a deep breath before starting his or her turn.
3.  Play games that focus on teamwork, increasing family communication, or joint storytelling such as the Ungame or story telling dice games.

These types of games can create fun times to connect as a family, but also to play with the purpose of building skills in a safe and engaging way.  While it can take effort for parents to discuss the importance of prosocial game play and positive interactions with others, allow children opportunities to build skills at home, and set out to find coaches, teachers, and other professionals to assist children these things can be crucial in setting children up for future success.

[1] Cohen, C. Raise your child's social IQ. Attention, April 2010.