Parenting can easily be one of the most challenging aspects of a person's life. While parenting can be an incredibly rewarding experience, there is no question that having to parent when a child is testing limits can be one of the most stressful and upsetting things for a parent to handle. This can be especially true for parents of children with special needs since at times their children are more prone to high levels of emotional outbursts and challenging behaviors. Luckily there are many strategies that can assist parents in staying calm no matter what situation arises with their child.
There are many strategies that can assist parents in staying calm despite their child's emotional or behavioral level. These strategies can include:
1. Pay close attention to your own emotion level by monitoring your mood and behaviors. For example: If you can still talk calmly and feel positively about your child then you are probably still able to problem solve or provide appropriate discipline for your child. If instead you are struggling to not raise your voice, threaten your child, provide unrealistic consequences, or are having trouble thinking clearly it is best to step away from your child to calm down.
2. It is critical to notice what messages you are interpreting from your child to make sure that you are hearing them correctly. Often when we are angry or upset we infer what others are thinking or feeling incorrectly. This can often arise in parenting in cases when parents misinterpret their child saying "no" to them to instead mean, "You are a bad parent. I don't care what you say. I don't love you." Parents often are able to manage their emotions better when they can frame their child saying "no" as "Right now my child is telling me that he or she needs a lot more guidance to make a correct choice." It also can be really important to alter your child's message to what they really mean. For example: It is crucial to re-frame when a child says something hurtful like, "I hate you." or "You are the meanest mom ever." to instead be, "I am so mad right now that I can't stand it."
3. Walk away from the situation and calm down prior to trying to solve a situation with your child. It is better to say, "I love you and I will work to solve this problem with you, but first I need to calm down" than to resort to a less effective and overly punitive approach. It is also often helpful to tell your child, "You have earned a consequence for your behavior, but I am too mad to give it right now," as a way to acknowledge your child's behavior, but to also allow yourself room to avoid the pitfall of providing harsh consequences when angry.
4. Talk deep breaths, use imagery to think of a relaxing place, think positive thoughts, exercise, talk to a friend or spouse, read, or engage in other activities that will assist you in calming down and being ready to engage in healthy problem solving. It is recommended that people engage in a minimum of 20 minutes per day of self-care as a way to manage stress and anxiety.
By removing some of the emotion related to parenting, parents often feel more in control and positive about their interactions with their child. Give your child the benefit of the doubt in your communications with them and it is possible to feel happier and more effective as a parent.
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