Strategies to Help the Socially Awkward

Dear Friends of Quest,    I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  CAMP IS 4 WEEKS AWAY!!!  We are super excited about what we have planned for this summer.  If you still haven't registered, but plan to come this summer--Now is the time!    Please Click Here to see our Summer Calendar! This issue of our newsletter includes an article on strategies to assist children who can be socially awkward.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Strategies to Help the Socially Awkward This month's Camping magazine, a publication that goes out to all ACA accredited camps, had a great article by Dr. Christopher Thurber that I wanted to pass on.  While his article, Rejectology: Helping dorky kids fit in requires understanding social rejection, focuses on what all camps can do to support children who are socially awkward, I thought Dr. Thurber presented many solid tips that can be spread across many different environments including school and home and were worth sharing.  The plan for this newsletter is to present several of the ideas put forward by Dr. Thurber and then to expand about specific ways to support children who struggle with being socially awkward.  Dr. Thurber starts with a description of some socially awkward characteristics that some children struggle with:   You know them when you see them: the boys and girls who don't mesh.  Maybe their shorts are pulled up a tad too high; maybe they don't know the rules to common games; maybe they blurt out dumb jokes at inappropriate times; maybe they prefer to be alone; or maybe they don't see how other kids perceive their behavior.  [1] Dr. Thurber goes on to further detail "socially clumsy conduct" that often can get kids labeled as a "dork" and lead to rejection including: 1.  Dressing in a way that departs from a functional, if not fashionable, standard in the host culture. 2.  Jumping into a game or group activity without being invited or asking permission. 3.  Failing to adhere to generally accepted norms for cleanliness. 4.  Making assertions or comments that are patently unrelated to the conversation. 5.  Displaying a noticeable lack of basic coordination in a game or sport. 6. Trying too hard to be funny or trying to impress peers with exaggerated stories. 7.  Revealing a lack of culturally relevant knowledge about topics that have social importance for the group. [2]  Dr. Thurber noted that these kids typically want connections and friendships and these behaviors often serve as an "accidental social wipe-out."  He also provides a list of how programs can teach children with social awkwardness how to more likely avoid these social wipe-outs and create less rejecting environments by: 1.  Teach consideration--to prosocial peers since people who are responsive to others needs are seen more positively.   2.  Teach sportsmanship--by calling out poor sportsmanship and teaching what should be said or done instead.  3.  Teach appropriateness--by not sugar coating your feedback and instead being clear and direct.  4.  Teach fairness--about how when more prosocial peers leave others out it is "unfair" and how they don't want to be seen this way.  5.  Teach hygiene--being direct about how poor hygiene is affecting them socially.  6.  Teach healthy risk taking--about how to positively encourage children to try new things since not taking these risks is viewed negatively socially.  7.  Teach playfulness--by teaching and encouraging children how to invite others to play and why they should say yes sometimes when others invite them to play.  8.  Teach imaginative behavior--by finding what a child who is awkward is good at and giving them opportunities to teach other kids.  9.  Teach humor--by modeling a good sense of humor and trying to teach telling appropriate jokes at the right time. [3]    I think that these are great strategies that can be used across a variety of environments (camp, school, and home) to teach kids necessary skills and create an environment that is inclusive.  I feel lucky that at Quest we get to target these social difficulties on a large scale since our whole program is set to specifically address these areas for children with mild to moderate social, emotional, and behavioral difficulties.     Some strategies that we use at Quest: 1.  Create a positive environment that is supportive, structured, and that celebrates effort.  Having a large reward structure that is well defined with many opportunities to provide specific feedback to children and highlight successes is a cornerstone to the Quest Therapeutic Model.  The kids we specialize in working with tend to need 4-5 times the amount of rewards that other children need.  I can tell you the healthy risks kids will take when they feel supported and have high incentives is pretty amazing from jumping off 50 ft. ziplines, playing soccer or asking a peer to play despite feeling rejected in the past, and setting their own personal goals to achieve.  My best advice is if you are having difficulty getting movement or buy in from your child or children you serve first look at how positive, encouraging, and rewarding the environment you are providing is to the child.            2.  Teaching needed skills in very direct ways is to me the other crucial component to helping children who struggle with being socially awkward.  I continue to be obsessed with the area of teaching social thinking as a way to assist children who struggle with many social nuances that can be tricky for kids since they often don't intuitively read others facial expressions or body language and miss many "hidden rules" of social interaction.  Michelle Garcia Winner's body of work at www.socialthinking.com provides great resources and research-based approaches to teaching needed social skills.  At Quest, we use our group therapy time as well as our social thinking group to teach needed skills.  We have a "hidden rule" daily that provides children with information that is crucial for social success.  Our daily hidden rule acts as a vehicle for us to teach needed skills and ideas related to the importance of controlling emotions, how to enter a group, aspects of how to have a successful conversation with others, the importance of manners and hygiene, etc.     A key component for us is related to helping kids understand the social thinking concept that others have thoughts and feelings about them and their behavior.  Basically, when we do "expected" behaviors people have positive thoughts and feelings about us and we then have positive feelings about ourselves.  In contrast, when we do "unexpected behaviors" others have negative thoughts and feelings about us, which then leads us to have negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves.  We go back to this formula again and again and plug children's specific positive and negative behaviors into this model to further promote their understanding and ability to engage in social thinking.  Another key area where specific skills are needed is emotion regulation for our kids.  Our campers often struggle with recognizing their emotions or the emotional experiences of others.  It is critical to also be direct in your teaching in this area as many people who naturally read other's facial expressions or body language assume that kids are picking up their cues--sadly kids with social struggles rarely do without support regarding how to decode these cues from others.  We specifically teach many skills for emotion regulation including how to utilize relaxation strategies (deep breathing, imagery, progressive relaxation), to using a number scale to identify and discuss various emotions and their intensity.  For example: we might say, "Right now I am a 4 out of 5 for frustration on our scale.  Some cues that might tell you this are that my mouth is down turned, my eyebrows are angled, my hands are on my hips, and my voice has started to raise." Ultimately there are many ways to transform the various environments that a child who struggles socially is in to be more supportive and directive to help kids to develop the friendships that they crave.  Dr. Thurber is correct that it is critical to understand rejection and to help develop skills for kids who have deficits regarding social skills.  I believe it is also important to help kids become social thinkers so that they will be able to generalize more skills and understand how their behaviors impact others and how this can impact them socially.         [1] Thurber, Christopher, Ph.D., Rejectology: Helping dorks kids fit in requires understanding social rejection. Camping, May/June 2015, page 33. [2] Thurber, Christopher, Ph.D., Rejectology: Helping dorks kids fit in requires understanding social rejection. Camping, May/June 2015, page 34. [1] Thurber, Christopher, Ph.D., Rejectology: Helping dorks kids fit in requires understanding social rejection. Camping, May/June 2015, page 36.

Benefits of Mindfulness

Dear Friends of Quest,    I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  I can't believe camp is less than 2 months away!  We are excited to announce that we have added a 7th week to our summer camp, which will be a 3 Night/4 Day Big Bear Residential Week! Please Click Here to see our Summer Calendar! This issue of our newsletter includes an article on mindfulness.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

The Benefits of Mindfulness Mindfulness has been a term that has gained popularity in recent years.  Part of this attention is well earned due to the new and exciting research that shows positive effects on both emotional control and executive functioning skills for both children and adults.  At camp we have been implementing many of these concepts and interventions for several years.  We have been practicing several aspects of mindfulness to help our campers develop in new and exciting ways.  Mindfulness has been defined as "paying attention to the present moment with acceptance and non-judgment (kindness and curiosity)." [1]  It often involves focused energy related to a sensory experience.  Paying attention to subjective experiences as well as our own emotional and  physical state, can lead to calm effective problem solving.  This leads to a state of "mindfulness" that allows for more effective thinking.  Specifically, mindfulness targets an approach that starts with physical aspects such as calm body and calm breathing. The focus then switches to a calm mind where thoughts and experiences are calm and focused on the present moment.  Lastly the focus shifts to emotional control and emotional regulation by practicing calm emotions in combination with a calm body and calm mind.   This leads to a state of thinking termed "Mindfulness". There is new and exciting research by Carol Dweck about the importance of mindset.  She found that by teaching people about our thought process there can be improvements that have an important impact on growth and development.  Specifically by changing our thinking patters we can create dramatic and long lasting improvements.[2] Research shows that Mindfulness practices have been found to create positive brain development in the prefrontal cortex (related to attention, planning, problem solving, mood) the insular cortex (understanding other people's perspectives, mirror neurons), and the temporal/parietal junction (learning and memory). This suggests that Mindfulness is an important part of learning and especially helpful for people with executive functioning problems.[3] At camp we use a variety of activities to facilitate Mindfulness.  We consistently facilitated a relaxation group to teach deep breathing, imagery, and progressive relaxation for  and utilize bonus points when children use these skills in times of stress.  While these components will remain cornerstones of our program we plan to expand our mindfulness activities to include new programming.  Specifically we will incorporate mindfulness into  yoga, art, music, and time in nature. [1] Williard, Christopher, Ph.D., Mindfulness Strategies for Children and Teens. Continuing Education Training on April 22, 2015 for PESI. [2] Dweck, Carol, Ph.D., Mindset. 2006. Ballantine Books. USA. [3] Williard, Christopher, Ph.D.,, Mindfulness Strategies for Children and Teens. Continuing Education Training on April 22, 2015 for PSI.

Help with our Scholarship Fund and Early Registration Discounts

Dear Friends of Quest,    I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  I can't believe camp is less than 3 months away!  We are excited to announce that we have added a 7th week to our summer camp, which will be a 3 Night/4 Day Big Bear Residential Week!      Our registration system for summer is active and our early registration discount for $200 off goes through April 15, 2015.      Please Click Here to see our Summer Calendar! This issue of our newsletter is different than usual in that it provides information about our scholarship fund donation drive that we have having.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Quest's Scholarship Fund Request For Donations It is with excitement and an expectant heart that I am writing this request letter since we are launching our first major campaign to generate scholarships for camp this summer. Our goal as a therapeutic camp is to hopefully fund 6 children for 4 weeks of camp this summer, which is a lofty goal. Providing services to children with mild to moderate social, emotional, and behavioral difficulties regardless of their ability to pay has been part of our service mission at Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California since our creation in 2009. In accordance with this value we have scholarshipped children in every season of school year and summer Quest programming for the last 6 years. I am also very proud to be an accredited camp through the American Camp Association since the ACA has a strong service mission that ALL children go to camp. I feel this mission especially extends to children with special needs, as these families have so many extra costs to support the growth and development of their children including specialized camp experiences. At this time I am doing the big ask by looking for family, friends, colleagues, community partners, camp families, and others who wish to help to rally together to bring more children to camp this year. As a camp, our service mission is the same as always and we will continue to scholarship at the same level-This scholarship fund is to help us partner with you to go above and beyond what we are currently able to do. Why donate? What can your support do?: In this section I could speak about the research that says what four weeks of our program can do which includes decreasing a child's impulsivity and aggression as well as improving their relationships with family, peers, and their self-esteem. But, I will instead talk about what Quest has given me. While I do feel I give a lot of myself to these children who I feel I have been called to serve, the fact is that these children are absolutely fantastic and I always seem to get back way more than I give. In the last 6 years I can say these are the types of gifts I am given regularly: The look of pure joy as children score their first goal in soccer and later getting to hear that my campers gained confidence to start playing at school for the first time. Children ringing the bell at the top of the rock climbing wall after working on that goal for weeks. Seeing kids using coping skills like taking deep breaths and saying "unlucky, better luck next time" where in the past they would have had a meltdown. Campers having their first play dates, sleepovers, and campouts ever. Hearing that children have returned back to school in the fall and their teachers "don't recognize them" because they have so many new positive behaviors! Your generosity can help us bring in more children to camp who otherwise would not have had this opportunity. As contributors you can share in these gains that may just change the life of a child. How you can support us in our scholarship drive: You can give money to our tax deductible scholarship fund set up through the ACA by clicking the link and put Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California in the spot where it says "Please indicate the camp name for this camper scholarship donation." Download the Communities for a Cause App and select Quest Camps of Southern California as your cause. You can then shop all over town and by taking a picture of your receipt and money will be automatically donated to our fund. You can join us at our upcoming fundraiser dinners. We plan to have information available for these in the newsletter and website. Our First Event is: Monday, April 27th from 4:30-9:30  at Stonefire Grill 18727 Brookhurst St, Fountain Valley, CA 92646       4.  For those people registering for camp, you can donate                  as part of your registration.         5.  Please get the word out about our campaign if our cause              speaks to you. If you would like any additional information regarding our scholarship program please do not hesitate to call me at (714) 490-3428 or email me at jknott@questsolutionssocal.com.    Sincerely, ____________________________                Jodie Knott, Ph.D.                                          Licensed Clinical Psychologist CA License #PSY20647                                 Director of Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Executive Function and ADHD

Dear Friends of Quest, I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  I can say that for us at Quest we are moving forward at full speed to prepare camp for this summer!  We are excited to announce that we have added a 7th week to our summer camp, which will be a 3 Night/4 Day Big Bear Residential Week!   Our registration system for summer is active and our early registration discount for $200 off goes through April 15, 2015.   Please Click Here to see our Summer Calendar! This issue of our newsletter includes information regarding executive function and ADHD.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Executive Functioning and ADHD Executive functioning has been a key term for several years regarding ADHD.  Executive functioning is sometimes thought of as the brain's self-management system or how a person is able to be goal directed and engage in problem solving and persistence.  Currently it is common for ADHD to be considered an appropriate diagnosis when a person has difficulty in this area, often termed executive dysfunction.  Two theories that are both popular regarding executive functioning are those put for by Russell Barkley and Tom Brown.   Barkley's Theory of Executive Function [1] Step 1:  Response Delay--need to be able to control impulses and slow down responses. Step 2:  Prolongation--need to ask myself from previous experience what's been the right thing to do (based on an internal feeling of past, present, and future) Step 3:  Rule Governed Behavior--need to have internal speech developed and is connected to morality and ethics Step 4: Dismemberment of the Environment--need be be able to tell a story in sequence from beginning, middle, and end and also rotate a figure in space in order to do this task. In this theory by Barkley, if a person has difficulty with Response Delay, he or she will also have difficulty with later steps such as Prolongation, and if the person has difficulty in these two areas the person will also struggle with Rule Governed Behavior.  There is some evidence to suggest that people with attention difficulties have difficulty with Rule Governed Behavior since there is often a delay in internalized speech and this is a step that has to be talked through.   Tom Brown's Theory of Executive Function [2] 1) Organizing and activating for work (getting started on a task) 2) Sustaining attention and concentration (focusing including sustaining and shifting attention) 3) Sustain energy and effort (regulate alertness, sustain effort, and processing speed) 4) Managing affective interference (manage frustrations and modulate emotions) 5) Utilizing working memory and accessing recall (working memory is often referred to as the brain system that provides temporary storage and manipulation of the information necessary for such complex tasks as language comprehension, learning, and reasoning.) 6) Being able to predict the reaction of others due to their behavior While these challenges and delays are real for children and adults with attention difficulties, there are interventions that can be done to assist with executive functioning.  Barkley suggests an 80/20% rule in which 80% of our interventions should be focused on changing the environment for the person with ADHD and 20% goes into teaching skills [3].  Examples of this 80% can be how we use the latest in ADHD theory and research to inform our interventions such as how we structure our programs (highly reinforcing reward programs with lots of feedback, immediate consequences, clearly posted expectations, extra prompts and accommodations, etc).  In our program at Quest when we are focused on the aspects related to teaching skills to children it is a constant goal to teach children in a way that they will be able to access what we are presenting most fully.  In addition, a multimodal study demonstrated at the 8 year followup that for children with ADHD that the best recommendations for treatment was uninterrupted treatment with medication and behavior support [4].  I find this study particularly interesting since it included therapeutic summer camp interventions as part of the behavioral support given.  Ultimately, executive functioning is a complex process and a breakdown in this area for children with ADHD is a challenge that will take many people working together, but with this teamwork and a child's growth and maturity over time great things are possible.   [1-3] Blake, K.T. (2014) Getting back on track: Understanding and treating executive dysfunction in ADHD. Cross Country Education Continuing Education Webinar. [4] Swanson et. al. (2011) as cited in Blake, K.T. (2014) Getting back on track: Understanding and treating executive dysfunction in ADHD. Cross Country Education Continuing Education Webinar.

Sleep and Children with ADHD

Dear Friends of Quest, I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  I can say that for us at Quest we are moving forward at full speed to prepare camp for this summer!  The next newsletter will have our full summer calendar attached, as we are currently putting the final touches on it.   This issue of our newsletter includes information regarding sleep challenges and ADHD.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Sleep and Children with ADHD  (by Brittany McKee, Quest Camp Counselor) Dr. Judith Owens is a behavioral-developmental pediatrician and author who is internationally recognized as an authority on children and sleep.  This newsletter is a summary of an interview she gave to Susan Buningh of CHADD to provide helpful information regarding sleep disregulation for children with attention difficulties.   Studies show that up to sixty percent of children and adolescents with ADHD have trouble sleeping.  This lack of sleep can impact a child's overall health and development as well as behavior and even performance at school.   What is the difference between insomnia and ADHD "night owlism"?  Children who are "night owls" have a lot of trouble falling asleep at an early bedtime like, for example, 9 pm.  They may fall asleep closer to 11pm if not later and if allowed to they may sleep in later the next morning.  Alternatively, children with sleep-onset insomnia have difficulty falling asleep no matter what time they go to bed. Is my child not sleeping well due to ADHD or sleep apnea? Due to the overlap of symptoms of sleep apnea and ADHD, such as inattentiveness, hyperactivity, poor impulse control, mood changes and school problems, sometimes it can be difficult to tell which condition is affecting your child. However, children with sleep apnea usually have specific nighttime symptoms like snoring, breathing pauses, restless sleep and sweating at night and are more likely to be sleepy during the day in comparison to children with ADHD. How to help children with ADHD to "wind down" and fall asleep?  -Having a regular bed and wake time on both weekdays and weekends, minimizing light exposure in evenings and maximizing light in the morning are a few helpers.   -There is also a practice called "sleep conditioning" where parents associate sleep-promoting activities such as a set bedtime and avoid wake-promoting activities in bed such as watching television, texting, doing homework or talking on the phone.   -Parents should avoid using the bed for punishment like a time out.   -Sleep practices that promote relaxation, such as reading, and avoid stimulation, such as vigorous exercise before bed, help to foster a good night's sleep.   What types of over-the-counter products help with sleep? Herbal or "natural" preparations such as chamomile or valerian root are generally safe and for the most part are not known to interact with ADHD medications but also have little scientific data to back up their use in children and could be harmful if given in too large doses.  Melatonin, which can be purchased over the counter, is a synthetic form of the sleep-promoting circadian system hormone produced by your brain in response to darkness.  Studies show that children with ADHD may have a delay in melatonin production  at night that can cause a circadian rhythm disturbance called sleep phase delay.  Be sure to check with your doctor before using any of these methods. Is it true that stimulant medications can actually help with sleep?  This issue is somewhat controversial.  While parent-report studies report detrimental effects of stimulants in regards to sleep onset, more objective overnight sleep studies that include EEG measurements have not consistently supported these findings.  Children whose sleep onset problems seem to be a result of their stimulant medication wearing off in the late afternoon or early evening with a return or even worsening of ADHD symptoms can cause difficulties with settling down for sleep. Recommended Sleep for Children and Adolescents: Infants (2 months-12 months): 14 to 15 hours Toddlers (12 months-3 years): 12 to 14 hours Preeschoolers (3 years to 6 years): 11 to 13 hours School-Aged Children (6 years to 12 years): 10 to 11 hours Adolescents (12 years to 18 years): 8.5 to 9.5 hours [1] [1] Buningh, S. (2010, December 1). Sleep and Children with ADHD. Retrieved from http://www.chadd.org/Membership/Attention-Magazine/View-Articles/Sleep-and-Children-with-ADHD.aspx

Making Changes that Last in the New Year

Dear Friends of Quest, I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  Happy New Year from Quest!  I can't believe another year has come and gone.  The beginning of January is always when I kick in to full gear to plan everything for the upcoming year so I can say that as a staff we are excited about what is in store for Quest this upcoming year!  Our Winter School Year Groups  Start Wednesday January 7th! Sign Up Now! This issue of our newsletter includes tips of how to celebrate the best achievements of the last year and how to best prepare to reach new goals in the year ahead.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Making Changes in the New Year that Last The end of the year brings a good time to reflect on the past and to set goals for the future year to come.  Last month's newsletter was a piece on how to let things go and move forward, which often can be a good message people can carry into the new year.  In addition, I think the start of a new year can hold a new hope that this can be the year for amazing growth and change to occur.  Being a person whose career is focused on being invited in to see the transformation and growth that can occur in people's lives I can truly say that amazing things are possible when people are motivated to change and they have some key ingredients for change in place.  Below are some tips that I hope are helpful to you and your families as you may be setting out to make some resolutions or changes this year that will truly last the whole year to bring lasting change. 1.     Celebrate Successes --It is critical to celebrate the successes that you have had.  This is a key step in moving forward and staying motivated in one's journey of self-change.  It is often true that you will take two steps forward and one step back because change is hard and it is really important to see progress to keep moving forward.  This is true for children and adults.  For example: even in the worst moments such as a child's tantrum it is often possible to see improvements and provide genuine praise such as, "Johnny, even though you still have to work on using your words, I like how today you calmed down much faster.  That tells me you are using a lot of your coping skills.  Good job!" One activity I like to give to adults or families is to have each person make a list of the 3 things they are most proud of themselves for accomplishing this year and then parents write a list for their children.  Sometimes this can be challenging for the children I work with so if they have trouble coming up with a list I will have their parents give a list first and then they can say whether they agree with the things listed or not.  Either way, I think it is helpful feedback for children to have their parents provide them a list of at least the top 3 things that they think their child has been successful at this past year.  I like to have both parents or various loved ones give lists of their child's successes since often different people see a variety of accomplishments for a child. 2.     Set Realistic Goals that are Clear and Measurable --Setting realistic goals is a key ingredient to success.  You want to set a goal that you can achieve.  The fastest way to feel discouraged is to set an unrealistic goal and then to stop because you were never going to reach that goal. (For example: The quickest way to end up eating a gallon of double chocolate malted crunch ice cream right out of the container is to set a goal to lose 10 pounds in one week.)  It is also important to set goals you can measure regularly such as give my child verbal praise at least 5 times a day since this is something that can be easily counted and isn't ambiguous. 3.     Focus on the Process Versus the Outcome --For example if I set an overall goal to be healthier by changing my diet and exercising more I want to celebrate my successes for having a good process (making it to the gym at least 3 days per week, eating vegetables 5 days per week, no drinking soda, only having fast food twice per week, etc.) since the outcomes related to this (lower cholesterol, weight loss, etc.) will happen in time.  People usually have more success focusing on the process since these are things typically more in our immediate control. 4.     Set Timelines for Change for Over Several Months --To be successful it is critical to know that real change takes time.  Research shows that often to make lasting change that becomes a habit often takes doing a certain behavior for a minimum of 2 months so make sure to make resolutions that are for at least a couple of months minimum.  It is better to start small and have a longer plan since you will be more likely to maintain this change over time.  I hope this new year brings you health and happiness and that you choose joy.  Good luck in your journey as you move forward, hopefully celebrating many successes and also continuing to set new goals to challenge yourself in the new year.

Letting It Go

Dear Friends of Quest,     I hope that this monthly installment of our newsletter finds you happy and healthy!  Happy Thanksgiving from Quest!  We hope that you have a wonderful holiday this month. This issue of our newsletter includes tips regarding how to let things go in order to live a more full life.  At Quest, we are proud to provide an innovative treatment program through our therapeutic summer camp and school year therapy groups that have been proven to reduce problem behaviors not only at camp, but in school, at home, and in everyday life.  We hope that our newsletter will be a source of support and applicable information to improve the lives of the amazing children and families in our community.    Sincerely, Jodie Knott, Ph.D. Director and Licensed Psychologist Quest Therapeutic Camps of Southern California

Letting it Go  (Written by Brittany McKee, Quest Counselor) The month of November is a common month in which we take the time to think about the things we are most thankful for in our lives.  With Thanksgiving fast approaching, it seemed to be a beneficial time to discuss the art of letting things go.  In a recent article in Psychology Today Judith Sills, PH.D writes in reference to letting things go and moving forward so that we can focus more of our time on what we are most grateful and thankful for.  Sills notes the importance of getting "unstuck" and how it involves reconsidering the past from a different point of view.  This can be very difficult for us to do because it forces us to confront the three strongest emotional drives we as humans have: love, fear and rage.  Having the capabilities to acknowledge the things that are difficult for us to let go of and to look at them from a different point of view can give us the opportunity to move forward. [1] Sills presents six action steps to take to let things go.   1. Anchor Yourself in the Future It can be difficult to let go of the past when we do not have a positive view of tomorrow.  It is really important to have a vision for tomorrow.  Having a positive activity or goal to look forward to will help pull you out of the quicksand of yesterday.  2. Discard To actively push past the past it is important to discard things that are going to keep you in the past.  Sometimes it can be difficult to discard things, in which case, you can put these memories in a box or suitcase and put them in the back of your closet until discarding them will be less difficult.  But it is important to keep discarding so that we can keep moving toward the future. 3. Repair Making amends can be an important part of letting go and moving forward.  Stating your remorse involves three parts--an articulation of the harm you feel you did; a chance for the other person to express his or her point of view or past pain; and an authentic expression of remorse from the heart.   4. Transform Your Narrative A powerful way to ease past pain is to rewrite key aspects of the story from a more balanced point of view.  A healthy rewrite can make you feel less victimized, devastated and less lost.  They do not change the facts of the narrative they just look at the facts from more empathetic, mature and less injured eyes that can help you let go. 5. Forgive Transforming your narrative is one of the toughest steps toward forgiveness.  It can feel powerfully rewarding to continue feeling angry when we are deeply wronged.  Forgiving someone can even make us feel as though we are letting the bad guy get off easily.  Forgiveness is  a decision that says "You wronged me.  I didn't deserve it.  I've been angry long enough.  I am laying down my anger because I don't want to carry it anymore."   6. Learn to Be Present There is nothing more powerful than learning to be in the present.  Having a sense of mindfulness, an acquired skill, has stress-reduction benefits that are well documented and can give us many positive emotional side effects.  As you increase your mindfulness, you will be able to get past the past.  [1] Sills, J (2014). Psychology Today. Let It Go! Sills presents six action steps to take to let things go.